Here is the text I created for my audio narration to the video “Plant ID: Soil”:

Soil is one of the most vital aspects of a plant’s environment.  Obviously all aspects combine to support life as we know it, so take away sunlight or water or oxygen and most life will struggle or soon die.

What makes soil so important is that most plants get the materials they need to survive through the function of their roots.

Plant roots get all of their oxygen, water, and most of their nutrients from the soil.  In return, these materials support a system of the plant which balances effective production and growth.

For example:  without a healthy interaction between the soil and roots, there would be minimal resource for leaf production.

Without an effective amount of leaves or leaf function, photosynthesis would be minimal or inadequate, which means sugar or energy production suffers, ultimately leading to no support for root maintenance or development.

And now coming full circle, without support for proper root function the plant cannot correct its deficient photosynthesis, and is destined to fail and soon die.

Since roots are essential for the overall health and vigour of most plants, that means the soil is equally essential.

But keep in mind that in the bigger picture all components of a plant as well as its environment come together to provide a healthy effective operation.

Also keep in mind that soil provides the plant with anchorage and support; it is a foundation for physical structural stability and helps the plant maximize size and space.

Let’s start with some basic identification of soil:

All soils are mixtures of different sized particles and/or inorganic material, living organisms, organic matter, dissolved nutrients, water, and air.

The general ranges of particle size are:

gravel, which is larger than 2mm,

sand, which is between .02 to 2mm,

silt, which is between .002 to .02mm,

and clay, which is less than .002mm.

The particles of soil are mainly described in terms of texture and structure.

Texture describes the proportions of particles in the soil.

For example:  a soil sample that has a large amount of 1mm particles that easily move and separate between each other or do not stick together, and can be easily seen as individual grains, would be classified as sand or some sandy combination.

On the other hand, a soil sample that has particles less than .002mm which cannot be easily distinguished by individual grain, so that the sample feels and appears to be a cohesive clump or lump of material, would be classified as clay or some clayey combination.

Sandy soils do not hold water well, and as a generally porous material they tend to have low nutrients and organic activity.

Sandy soil is prone to temperature extremes, run-off, leaching, and erosion.

Clay soils tend to have slow or poor water infiltration, and as a generally compact lumped pedal structure they retain what materials they do have.

Clay soils have a greater chance of containing nutrients and organic activity, but can also be a difficult soil for root growth if too compacted.

A generally equal proportion of sand, silt, and clay is classified as a loam soil.  As you can imagine, loam soils have a good balance between particles, air, and water for root growth.

There are numerous combinations of sand, silt, and clay soil textures and structures.

Structure describes arrangements of particles and the combined interaction and behaviour with other soil material.

When particles act and move individually, and do not stick together or separate easily, their structure is described as apedal.

When particles stick together, forming clumps or aggregates of material, their structure is described as pedal.

These clumps of material can also be called peds.

Decayed organic material mixed with particles forming the aggregate or ped is also described as humus.

When it comes to structure, a crumb clumping is usually a good arrangement of particles, other soil material, and pore spaces.

The pore spaces around particles are important because that is where air collects and roots have room to grow, while water is held within the aggregate material of the soil.

The main root zone in soil goes down to about 300mm.

The deeper we go down into soil the less oxygen is present, vital aerobic activity becomes anaerobic.  We shouldn’t find much organic material at these depths.  The anaerobic breakdown of organic matter can produce gases which are toxic to roots and can also compete for oxygen.

-Living organisms in soil can be the usual soil life you have seen such as earthworms, snails, and insects, as well as micro-organisms such as fungi and bacteria.

Living organisms help break down many of the other usual materials that make-up soil, such as organic matter.

-Organic matter is non-living and decaying material such as leaf litter, dead vegetation, wood from fallen trees, as well as the remains of animals.

Living soil organisms help break-down the organic matter into minerals and nutrients useful to plants.

A healthy interaction and balance between living organisms and organic matter helps maintain good growing and living conditions.

-Dissolved nutrients occur as organic matter continues to break down, releasing minerals that made-up the organic matter or result from chemical changes.  These mineral nutrients dissolve with water in the soil and can be absorbed as ions by the plant roots.

The most important nutrients or the nutrients a plant needs in large quantities are described as macronutrients.  The macronutrients are:

Nitrogen, Phosphorous, Potassium, Calcium, Magnesium, and Sulphur.

The essential nutrients a plant needs in small quantities are described as micronutrients.  The micronutrients are:

Iron, Manganese, Copper, Zinc, Boron, Molybdenum, and Cobalt.

Hydrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon are also major essential elements but are not absorbed by the roots as ions.

Keep in mind that these are not the only nutrients a plant uses, but they are the essential ones.  For example:  Chlorine and Sodium are also valuable to a plant.

-Water is critical for almost all processes both inside and outside of the plant.  Water is necessary for the roots to absorb nutrients; it helps make materials soluble and acts as an agent for interaction/reaction.

-Air represents both Carbon Dioxide and Oxygen.  Roots need air in order to take-up water and nutrients.  Oxygen is vital for root growth.  Air fills the pores between soil particles and allows room for roots to grow/helps maintain space for roots to occupy, also allows for the movement of other materials in the soil.

The acidity and alkalinity of soil is important because of its effect on the availability of plant nutrients, as well as other vital plant needs and functions such as the conditions for disease or unfavourable conditions for important microbes.

Varying acidity and alkalinity levels can inhibit the decay or breakdown of organic material and the release of nutrients into the soil as well as inhibiting plant roots from absorbing nutrients.

The pH scale is a range of hydrogen ion concentration in a soil solution sample, where particular concentrations correspond to an acid or alkaline soil.

The pH scale goes from 1, which is very acid, to 14, which is very alkaline.  7 is the halfway mark and represents neutral.

Most soils range from pH 3 to 10.5

General acidity soils range from pH 4.5 to 5.5

Most plants prefer a pH around 6 to 6.5

Iron is most available between the pH range of 5 to 6, Nitrogen between 6 to 8, Phosphorous between 6.5 to 7.5.

The outermost layer on the stems/trunk and roots of woody plants is called the bark.

The bark is traditionally divided into the outer and inner bark.  The outer bark is further described as having 3 distinct layers of tissue or cell types.

The outside or external part of the bark or phellem is the layer usually visible to us, which we can also think of as the surface.  It consists of non-living material or dead tissue also called cork.  The phellem is the outermost layer of the entire bark.

The middle layer of the outer bark is called the cork cambium or phellogen.  This tissue consists of undifferentiated cells that can divide and be used for various growth and maintenance or protection needs.  There are a couple of places or zones in the plant tissues where these kinds of undifferentiated cell divisions can found.  We call these kinds of tissues primary and secondary meristems, depending on the kind of growth they support.

The cork cambium is a secondary meristem or lateral meristem producing cork which adds to the plants lateral growth.  This is why you’ll hear cork described as a secondary tissue.

Cells that grow outward from the cork cambium are called cork and cells that grow inward form an interior tissue layer to the cork cambium called the phelloderm.

The phelloderm is the inner layer of the outer bark and has parenchyma cells that can be used by the plant for numerous needs and functions.  Think of them as unspecialized cells which may divide and become differentiated or adaptable to particular functions.

So basically, the outer bark can be divided into 3 distinct layers:

1-    Phellem, cork, dead non-living material, cells that have grown outward from the cork cambrium.

2-    Phellogen, cork cambrium, a meristematic zone, a layer of actively dividing undifferentiated cells that add lateral growth and protection by becoming cork cells.

3-    Phelloderm, cell layers that form interior to the cork cambrium, where you’ll find undifferentiated cells available to divide and assist in various functions.

Since the phellem is defined as the outer most layer of the bark, the phellogen and phelloderm can be defined as the middle of the bark.

The inner most layer of the bark is living tissue consisting of various living cell types such as the parenchyma cells I briefly mentioned.  This innermost layer of the bark is called the phloem.

The phloem is interconnected to the outer bark and functions as a distribution system carrying organic nutrients (mostly sugar) from photosynthesis at the leaves to other parts of the plant.  This transport of material is called translocation.

The phloem is arrangement in “vascular bundles” which are long continuous strands that extend through the roots and stems and reach into the leaves as veins of phloem tissue.

Vascular bundles contain both phloem and xylem tissues, as well as support and protecting tissues.  A main function of xylem tissue is to carry material from the roots up to various parts of the tree.

Generally the movement in phloem is multidirectional while the movement in xylem is only upward, and phloem is comprised of living cells while the xylem is mostly dead cells.

In the phloem, sieve-tube cells connect to form a tube that conducts material throughout the plant.  Mature sieve-tube cells lack certain specialized organelles, such as a nucleus and vacuoles, and rely on companion cells to help carry out cellular functions.

The vascular cambium is similar to the cork cambium and is also described as a lateral meristem, consisting of cells that are partially specialized or incompletely differentiated.  As these cells divide and specialize, they can either become ray cells or phloem and xylem cells.

Those cells that have not differentiated yet form a zone of cells on both sides of the cambium called the cambial zone.  This zone usually involves growth and replacement of the transport systems.  Growth inward toward the pith makes-up the secondary xylem and growth outward toward the bark makes-up the secondary phloem.  These meristematic cells increase the girth of the tree.

The vascular cambium also produces ray cells which help the lateral transport of materials.  Ray cells are oriented perpendicular to the stem axis and divide the stem into sections.  They can also be described as being perpendicular to the annual growth rings.  These radial extensions of cells are also known as medullary rays, pith rays, or wood rays.

The cambium produces volatile organic compounds that help protect the tree from pathogens.  Medullary rays are responsible for laterally transporting the protective compounds from the cambium to xylem vessels throughout the wood.

The rays also serve as storage centres for starch and lipids.

As the tree grows, the division of cells to the inside (inner-side) of the vascular cambium are called xylem and form the wood of the tree trunk.

The Xylem tissue made up of living cells that carries materials (mainly water) from the roots to the upper parts of the tree is called sapwood.

Sapwood also provides mechanical support and can store various materials for survival or maintenance such as converted sugar into starch.

Over time and as the tree continues to grow, the sapwood increases in organic compounds such as terpenes which help deal with pathogens and any injury or decay.  Eventually the xylem vessels of the sapwood become blocked and the living cells die.  This dead wood is called heartwood.

Because of the increased organic compounds, heartwood is highly resistant to decay.  Heartwood does not transport any water but it does provide mechanical support.

The pith is tissue (mostly parenchyma cells) at the centre of the stem, encircled by xylem, that can store and transport material throughout the tree.

In older tress the pith can dry out, die, or become replaced by the function of the xylem.

Vascular rays can be connected to the pith and provides a transport of materials.

.

couch full of roaches, dirty bong water.

Running out of bags; no fluid in the lighter;

when it don’t work I need something designer.

I remember,

yesterday the last time forever.

How come nothing ever lasts forever?

when it don’t I feel all hung-up.

I’m on the cell before the sun comes up.

When I come down it’s like a punch to the gut.

I can have a gram with an eighth on top;

20 minutes later I’m at the same spot.

Fact is she loves me not;

when I act like a jerk I behave like a cunt.

Got a one track mind for the pipe and the rock;

it don’t phase me;

I can stop anytime, cold turkey.

Even when I’m sober I’m not clean enough;

every time I try to help I only make it worse.

I thought it was respect I was smart and discrete.

I had plans for the street, honour among thieves.

Yeah it occurred to me misery loves company;

it’s sad, best friends make the worst enemies;

too bad the best plans can fail miserably.

Even the righteous find it hard to sleep,

and even a genius finds it hard to think.

Yeah it’s true, then again what good is the truth,

even still who hasn’t hated hearing good news?

I’m the first to admit I’ve never been immune,

and I’m the first to accept I’ve always played the fool;

the part was easy,

as a matter of fact I done my share of bleeding;

quite a few times I needed rescue breathing.

I keep telling myself it’s a life worth living,

but is it?

and how would I describe this visit?

like a world divided by the walls of a prison,

no matter how you try you find yourself in it;

no matter what you do you become a statistic;

no matter what I think I see demographics,

children acting like geriatric patients.

I see parents on their kid’s medication;

I don’t blame them, chemicals shouldn’t be wasted.

I’m a fair man it’s mutual hatred,

and I don’t understand why everyone’s racing.

There’s one finish line,

and a hundred percent of the time everyone dies.

I’ll see you at the pit-stop or before that;

I’ll see you on the street, claw your way to the top;

it’s nothing new to me; nothing surprises me.

I’ve been first and last;

I’m not impressed by degrees I’m measured by mass,

that’s the weight of the world and it’s my kind of trouble.

I don’t make a difference, that shit’s for quarrels;

fuck footsteps, I leave footprints like fossils.

it’s desperation, exactly what you think.

If it’s not survival it’s not what you need.

If it’s not a cycle it’s the life you lead;

you race against time;

you were born to be wild;

you die when you live and you’re constantly high.

A little blood loss, a crooked smile,

you put yourself last but you don’t follow.

It’s pretzel logic,

like swearing on the Bible when you don’t believe it,

like being not guilty instead of innocent;

this madness is a life of labyrinths.

Angels, demons, any kind of habit,

whatever happens is what’s meant to happen;

like I said, there are no accidents.

It’s not a coincidence;

your fate is sealed with each incident,

sometimes gradual sometimes instant.

You got a crystal ball?  cash that shit in it’s useless now;

take the blue pill, play your program out.

You’re in a rabbit hole, what’s to understand?

It’s all downhill, another reason to laugh;

and it’s still a hell even when you cheat death,

and who hasn’t, as if there’s anything left?

So what do you say?

when they stare at you they see a blank face;

they also see horns, a tail, and a cape.

It’s a civil war;

so who’s the enemy and how do you escape?

I am currently in Australia, which is also the first time I have ever left the United States, and it’s been a wonderful experience, a welcome relief, and most of all- love at first sight.  A month after my arrival, settling in, and securing supplies, I painted my first Australian series of oil on canvas, using some of my favorite techniques. 

I love this style because almost all of the creative expression comes from the material and technique.  Through these specific process I do have a good idea of what will be produced, but there are plenty of times where I don’t know exactly what a finished product will look like.  Techniques that react to different drying rates are one example of this, revealing intricate designs that may start out entrenched in thick, fresh paint, then fossilize once the air extracts moisture or certain elements evaporate.  In these particular cases, I view my work as a display of relationships between objects and environments. 

The paint can be considered the constant, a language in which to define our subjects and relationships.  Through paint we recognize a familiar nature of portraits and prints; we recognize that specific expressions come from specific objects.  A valuable image can be one that is exclusive to an object or material, or one that shares a likeness with something or everything else. 

The object or material applying the paint represents and relates to environments.  This is where we seek to understand aspects of life.  Perhaps I study the expressions my environment produces in paint, and then I compare that to what I tend to naturally produce in paint.  Perhaps the difference between us is the distance I have to travel for harmony, or the information I need for awareness. 

The technique is the approach used to bring this all together, a method for results.  In this sense, much like a scientific approach as well as human nature, repetition can effectively define any direct and indirect relationship involved.  Of course there may be an endless amount of ways to bring our environment to creative life. 

I am trying to turn everything around me into a painter, an artist.  I am encouraging the expressions of everything around me, providing them unique mediums in which to tell their story.  There is an abundance of energy within these relationships, perhaps the general vigor of life or the intricate balance between everything.  There is a fundamental nature of spirituality as well, a focal point where our physical face-value meets unlimited possibilities.  To me this is magical, because all of this involves us and everything, which means that we can know the greatest mysteries of life, which I believe to significantly involve recognition, understanding, harmony, and love.

Although there is no restriction over how I may approach painting, there are a few specific styles I frequently use. The style I will discuss in this essay is my relationship with the application of paint, which is generally referring to how I create the images you see on the canvas. I refer to the creation of an image in terms of application because of the unique relationship between what I am thinking and expressing and the tool/object I use to bring my idea and expression to life.

It would be best to start this discussion touching on some points of my theory and ideas on tools and objects. I believe that all things have various identities and natures that create unique images and expression in and of themselves, and to different degrees when shared with the ideas of an artist or anyone interacting/performing with that object. These images, in and of themselves, will vary depending on how they are presented and brought to life. Meaning, the range will consist of as little altercation as possible, which is predominantly an image and expression directly from an object, like its fingerprint, or even more accurate, a general photograph of an object. To me, that is as hands-off as you can get, although you can have many styles of photography which will capture that object in unique expression, a general photograph can start out as an object’s portrait, a very closely related or identical recreation of that object’s identity and nature. The same goes for painting. You can try to have the most general expression of an object, as little altercation or technique added to its identity or used to capture and bring its identity to life. In my painting, that would usually consist of applying paint to an object or dipping an object in paint and then pressing it to canvas, allowing the object to dominate and predominantly create the image/expression. The other end of this range will consist of a very specific idea or technique used in conjunction with an object, so that the identity of that object is greatly influenced or captured and presented by the artist’s very specific idea or technique.

I range from presenting an object’s identity in paint, or any medium, with as little altercation as possible, as well as using very unique techniques that combine with an object’s identity for dynamic results. You could also say that the object alters my technique with dynamic results. It truly is a relationship of broad and specific balances. For example, I could take any surface of something, apply paint over it, press it to canvas, and pull it off, resulting in an image made by that surface. This is predominantly allowing the object control over the image. By default, I am working with its size and characteristics, but no major altercation by me except for the physical motor process involved, the applying paint and pressing. Now I could vary the intensity and pressure of the press once I make contact with the canvas, or how I press the surface once contact is made, sliding or twisting it, or how I remove the surface from the canvas, peeling, pulling, or dragging it off. These are some examples of the degree of interaction between the artist an an object, which is moving away from its default characteristics and creating more dynamic natures of expression.

Yes, I am using the object as a tool just like a paint brush. This is one of the main ideas, the unique identity any object has and creates when applied or used in such a way involving expression. This relationship can be performed on many levels with many variables, so that the object does not have to be the main medium creating the image or applying the paint. For example, It could be receiving the paint applied and acting as the canvas, like painting on garbage bags or cardboard or rubber tires, or it could be simply using different types of canvas, all of which combine to present an idea and expression, and all of which add and contribute its identity and nature to the idea and expression.

Christopher-

Here’s a little history of what the name Chrs84 has stood for on the World Wide Web.  

The name Chrs84 and what it stands for has been onLine and throughout the World Wide Web for close to 15 years. Does anyone remember Aol and the chatRoom phenomenon? As broad as chat options and related sites are now, there was a time when chatting was a tight unique community on an immense scale. Yes, such communities are even larger now, but in many ways, it’s not the same as those 1990′s, but that’s not to take anything away from today’s faithful wordSmiths and communicators. I still run into legends, skillful and masterful with the spoken word, or should I say dancing fiery keyboards. Anyway, that was where I first made my assault on language and the Web.

Most chat rooms consisted of common dialogs in traditions of friends meeting onLine, strangers talking to strangers, and people who were gradually or quickly becoming friends, or sometimes enemies. There was also a relatively small group of unique chatters who would frequent a chat room and spread fire and energy through words. These groups were mostly made up of shock-types/haters who tended to be very combative, the philosopher/debaters who pushed hot topics and issues that always struck nerves or addressed our conscience and senses, the Zen/gurus who brought peace, calm and wisdom to whatever theme or mood a room was in, and the wordSmith/artists who emphasized the energy in dialog and the arts in general. All of these unique chatters combined and surrounded with friends and strangers who usually fell somewhere between these unique characteristics, friends and strangers who had some combination or a little of all the unique chatter-type natures. Then there was also the gaming and roll-playing rooms, and of course the forever infamous sex, dating, and hook-up rooms.

I was the wordSmith/artist, and what that meant was, even in a room full of friends and people I knew, it was known that I would fire out statements and phrases and fish for anyone who caught on or was game. We would open up a unique conversation and dialog, not consisting of the more traditional hello, how are you, how is the weather, or talk of a specific topic, or the history between people and he said-she said , but rather, conversation and dialog much more in a poetry format, and most importantly, it was always an open format that anyone could chime in on, and plenty of people did. It was easy and it was very magical. Picture it as so: You are in a chat room with a decent or excellent vibe, maybe you go there all the time and a bunch of your friends are there, but there is also a good mix of newbies and strangers, maybe a shock-type is razzing someone, but not enough to get kicked out or put on ignore. You go through the usual hellos, greeting friends, talking about whatever is relevant, the day, yesterday, plans for whatever, or updates from people since last you spoke to them. At the same time, you see these artistic statements popping out, sometimes at a frequent pace, sometimes here and there, and every so often, something pops out and it hits you, it makes you think, or lol, or smile, or feel puzzled, and you chime in, you pop out a version of it or something that could be considered a response, and a few of the people you are talking with do the same. We all feel it; we all smile, lol, or shake our heads, then you go right back to your chat and everything keeps going. After a while, the core of the chat room turns into a microcosm of generating energy, anchors that fuel fire and drive movement, and from time to time, and at any given moment, I end up doing what you just did, but in reverse, and I chime in on a more normal/traditional dialog, or I respond to a more global idea that suddenly floated around the room, born out of one of your more specific conversations. It all made for some very sharp, witty, dynamic times, times when people easily spent all night online talking and typing. This is what I became known as; this is what I stood for. When you saw Chrs84 pop in, you knew everything was about to get a little more artistic and expressive, especially in those rooms that were already wonderfully artistic and expressive. We thrived off of each other, and words developed into elaborate identities that were just as strong as our profile images and interests. Together, we made some amazing hanging-out times.

Of course I didn’t stop there. I went on to post plenty of written word, poems, stories and essays that floated throughout the Web, some of which you just might run into if you looked hard enough, popping up right there on your screen with the date to prove it. I know of a few places and I plan to eventually link them so we can view those blasts from the past. I contributed to online magazines. Remember when those zines started to catch on fire? It seemed like everyone was starting up an online mag. You could still find very early work of mine in the ancient posts of poetry and writing sites, and forums, and Aol communities and homePages. Even right now, I have some old Aol home pages that I will link up soon. Still, lots of my work became lost, as life and shit sometimes happens. I moved, different roommate times, different computers and sharing computers and online accounts, so one thing led to another and I lost my Chrs84 screen name, in the sense that it was created under the master name/account of an old friend/roommate. Remember how limited things were when it came to screen names, how difficult it was to transfer a name back then? So the name became locked up in that old account and I moved on to different screen names, not a significant amount, but a few different ones. For the most part, I would still use Chrs84 anytime there was an external identity request outside the actual root-account, like creating accounts and identities on other sites, so in that sense, it never left me. In fact, if you look up Chrs84 on Aol and its community/hometown(which I used to check from time to time, just for the hell of it, but haven’t in the last few years), you might still see some listings and headings, although, any actual body connected to it is unavailable. The actual Aol Chrs84 screen name may have never been completely deleted from its original account, or properly removed from where it is rooted. Of course we have come a long way with identities and the World Wide Web, and personal websites exploded and became much more accessible to the online user, so I took Chrs84 into the domain world of the Web.

Now, as a special treat, I will give you what so many people over time have inquired, and depending on my mood or how elusive and broad I wanted to be, I answered or usually skirted around their question, which is: What does the 84 stand for? since it wasn’t the last 2 digits of the year of my birth nor a particularly great year for me. Seeing as to how I was only 10 years old at that time(1984), you could say most of my life in that year was big-time or smack in the middle of being a kid. The 84 in Chrs84 stands specifically for the piece of literature George Orwell produced, the landmark book titled 1984. As a teenager, this was one of the single most influential pieces of work I read at that time. Of course it went hand in hand with Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World masterpiece, and together, they opened up a whole new relationship between consciousness and the written word. It will always be one of the top books that taught me the fundamentals of conveying massive issues through literature and a story. Then 1984 and a Brave New World went perfect with Animal Farm and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, combine these with the Diary of Anne Frank, The Good Earth, A Clockwork Orange, The Stranger and Naked Lunch and you could say that, literally, I was a changed man and never looked back. Would you believe that every one of these books, minus Naked Lunch, constituted the core of the Board of Education High School English curriculum? Nowadays, based on the younger people I speak with, I’m not even sure if any of these books are required reading. Oh well, the times have changed; what could we expect? Anyway, out of the respect for what that book meant to me, out of all the numerical digits I could have chosen to accompany Chrs, which is my first name minus the “i”, or it’s also the first 3 letters of my first name and the “s” is the first letter of my last name, I chose 84, clicked the link on the Aol create a screen name page to check if it was available, and it was, and the rest became history.

Fun fact:

In one of the earlier online version of the game Mahjong, called Mahjong Towers II (speed oriented), those boards created by the Author: Chrs84, are my boards and that author is none other than me. I can proudly say that at the prime and height of my playing, I was in the top 10 of the greatest Mahjong players in the world, those also playing at that time, and you could safely rank me at least top 50 of All-Time in Mahjong Towers II, world wide! There was a time that you could see my top 10 ranking scores across at least 200 different boards, yeah, I was a monster player. I used to work at home and had the wonderful opportunity to master the game. Secretly, from time to time, I dream of a glorious comeback. I made hundreds of boards, many that were unique and beautiful and downloaded in people’s copy of the game, some boards may still be popularly played today.

My best Wishes

Christopher-

How many years have to pass,
and how many have already?
Are you listening or are you asking me?
The truth is, I only have this moment,
when I wrote up a storm for a life,
with fancy words for a living,
and delicate descriptions of the damned.
After everything is said and done,
can you see who I really am?

They say silence is golden,
but not when you already touched me.
Suddenly I am not the know it all.
Sooner or later you just have to realize,
I stood at the brink of existence,
on the fine line of a heartbeat,
or a heart bleeding.
When it felt like my decision,
I fell into you,
otherwise I would have never opened these eyes again,
otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am.

So I’m out here in these streets,
laughed at by the crowds,
mocked for the time frames I understand,
and I’d like to beat their accusations to a pulp,
but that’s not going to change their opinions.
So I show them my scars,
and suddenly everyone gets serious,
and that’s exactly who I am,
broken without your hands,
barely breathing when you’re not holding me.

How long has it been?
I’m not even sure anymore,
but I can tell you what it feels like,
and that’s much too long.
Over two years, no lips, no fingertips,
no one touching me, no one fixing my hair,
no one pulling on my pockets.
I shuffle these feet with a shadow holding my hand,
and people look at me like I’m crazy,
but they’ll never know why I am alive.
I seen you forever,
so it’s like you’ve always been with me.
After everything is said and done,
that’s why you have someone who will wait out time.
Can you see who I really am?

I am so tired of disappearing.
I am so tired of fading away.
Tragedies, traumas, memories,
the good times, the bad times,
all of it together make such a dynamic beautiful life,
both vulnerable and delicate, resilient and enduring.
But, to come home the way I do,
it is a pain that becomes indescribable.
As much as I have fought to represent these things,
trying to be so brave with what is dealt to me,
and supportive to those I care for,
it is a pain overemphasized by isolation,
with such little hope to spare,
so that a ray of light becomes so precise,
it burns a hole in my heart.

So here I sit in a silence as deadly as the echoes of misfortune,
echoes that are not the past but the future,
and they are not consequences of anything,
they are the very nature of me.
When can I come home and not be so alone?
When can I be so sure?
When can I just stop thinking all together,
and just collapse in an eternal embrace,
in the safety of a miracle?
I don’t want to fade away and disappear.
I need the safety of a miracle,
and I know I can be a miracle too.